Nothing Really Ends

For those who aren't aware - my mam, Gill Denton, passed away at the end of November.  I got the news while waiting for a bus in Coogee beach in the pissing down rain. She went without any prior warning, due to an undiagnosed heart condition, in her own bed. It took me several days to get back home.  I had to wait a day in the hostel which may well be the strangest day of my life.  I am eternally grateful that Bob was there - who's not only one of my best mates, but -buried deep within his black core- a very good human being.

England was colder than I thought possible.  I saw me mam.  I wasn't sure I wanted to, but I'm glad I did. I'm not going to go too deeply into everything on a public forum such as this, but -at the the risk of stating the blindingly obvious - I miss her terribly.  I can never thank enough those who have helped me and mine through all this, even if it's been something as simple as a kind word.

I wasn't going to come back.  My original plan was to find a job in a darkened room that involved pressing buttons periodically.  Everyone I spoke to urged me to reconsider this. Eventually I did.  Life is short and getting shorter every second.  I have spent the past month mourning and do not forsee a time when I won't grieve her passing.  But, at the same time, death is a small, shabby thing, compared with the thousand daily miracles that make up life.   My mam, lived an astonishingly full life, one worth celebrating, and I am not going to demean her by indulging in misery and obsessing over what is, in the great scheme of things, the least important part of her time on the planet. 


So, I'm back in Oz.  I am slightly worried about the financial viability of this move, but it feels right to continue to try to get the most of life, even if it's in the slightly inept manner I've employed previously.  I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.  I've also been urged to continue with this blog.  This feels slightly odd, as the intended audience for it can no longer read it.  But she did like reading it and I do like writing it (on those occasions where I'm not simply doing it out of a sense of duty).  So look forward to exciting updates on two idiots lost in the outback and a thought piece on what stray dog tastes like.  I don't imagine I'll be touching on the subject of me mam much from hereon in, I'd prefer to keep my memories and thoughts on the subject to myself, but I will be thinking of her constantly.

 

 

Love you and miss you, yeh daft sod

Love and Fishes

Dave Denton