1) Each banana tree only produces a single bunch of bananas that can weigh up to 120kg.
2) There are actually many different types of banana, such as Cavendish, Lady Finger and Jersey Royal.
3) You can make wine from bananas, which sounds utterly disgusting.
4) Despite what I was told as a teenager, smoking dried banana skins does precisely bot all in terms of getting you high. You would get more of a buzz from licking an empty paracetamol bottle.
5) There has never, ever,
ever been an EU directive dictating how curved bananas should be, despite what
The Sun says.
6) "Banana" is Cockney rhyming slang for diarrhea: banana = banana splits = raging shits
7) Bananas were originally purple, but were selectively bred to acquire their yellow skin by Wilhelm von Rumpledink, Stadtholder of Freisland, who was a Norwich City fan.
8) Bananas are invisible, but only when nobody is looking at them.
9) If you take a banana and two apples, you can use it to make the shape of a smiley face.
10) You can also use a banana and two apples to make the shape of other things - and if you thought of those first, shame on you.
11) Banana skins, ironically, are a key ingredient in most adhesives..
12) It is physically impossible to feel depressed when holding a banana.
13) Most, but not all, bananas are bigger on the inside than the outside.
14) The last person able to spell the word banana was Fred Tupple from Merthyr Tydfill, who died in 1985.
15) If you are really, really quiet on a night, maybe - just maybe - you can hear the mournful singing of the bananas.
16) The first banana came from Papua New Guinea. This doesn't stop most modern bananas claiming they are Irish.
17) In 2008 US citizens ate approximately 300 tons of frozen bananas. By way of contrast, over the same period only 9 tons of bread products were consumed.
18) Bananaman, the Dandy comic strip about a boy who turns into a superhero when he eats a banana - is the best thing created by anyone ever. This has been proven by science.
19) A banana leaf makes a very serviceable umbrella, if you ever find yourself stuck in a field in Queensland, in the pissing down rain, wondering where your life went wrong.
20) In an emergency, bank robbers have been known to use a banana in place of a gun.
21) It is physically impossible to eat a banana in the dark.
22) Numerous predators can be found living in a banana tree, such as the banana spider and the banana snake. Most feared of all, however, is the banana shark.
23) Luckily the banana shark is not particularly fast on land, averaging speeds of 0mph. Therefore, if you survive its initial lunge you can just poke it with a stick till it dies of shame.
24) The first recorded incident of someone slipping on a banana skin was a Barnaby Knowles in Jamica in 1791. He hit his head and later died of his injuries
25) The first European to see a banana was Captain Dominique Beaufrite, who immediately stuck a flag in it and claimed it for France.
26) Former Soviet premier Nikkita Krushchev refused to believe in the existence of bananas until his death in 1971, believing the to be a "capitalist chimera"
27) Something involving Chuck Norris
28) During prohibition in the US, bananas were also outlawed. The fact that nobody set up illegal banana bootrunning operation tells us quite a lot about the human condition.
29) It's perhaps not surprising to hear that actor Antonio Banderas is a fan of bananas, especially when you consider his name is an anagram of "Mmm! Tasty yellow fruit."
30) If you say the word "banana" into a mirror five times absoloutley nothing will happen to you.
31) Only a banana can kill another banana.
32) The banana is the world's third most popular fruit, behind the kumquat and spanish nectarine.
33) 78% of men find the sight of a woman eating a banana to be deeply erotic. This is because men are truly pathetic creatures.
34) Bananas are referred to several times in the Bible, though only by the name "squishy longfruit".
35) Making inane and pointless lists about bananas is one of the top ten signs that you have far too much time on your hands.
36) Despite being curved, you cannot throw a banana like a boomerang.
37) Nobody actually likes bananas, but we all pretend we do in an effort to fit in.
38) An empty banana skin can be used in an emergency to make a little hat.
39) The South Georgia penguin has a unique mating ritual, wherein the male will present the female with a freshly picked banana. As there are no bananas in the South Georgia islands, the entire breed became extinct decades ago.
40) The average banana is the size of a family saloon car. The ones you buy in the supermarket only seem smaller because you are looking at them from far away.
41) Bananas are completely waterproof, which is fitting as if you squint and turn the lights down really low they look a tiny, tiny bit like a little submarine.
42) All baby bananas hope one day to grow up to be a watermelon.
43) Certain fish and chip shops in Britain will deep fat fry a banana for you if you ask nicely and really, really want heart disease.
44) A ton of bananas weighs twice as much as a ton of pomegranates
45) Of all the fruits in the world the banana is, by far, the most arrogant.
46) 30% of people, having read fact 30, will have immediately given it a go.
47) 89% of people, having read the above fact, will have scrolled back up to number 30 to check what it was again.
48) The importation of bananas was made illegal by the Turkmenstani government in 1999. Nobody in the outside world cared.
49) Despite being used for racist prop comedy by British football hooligans, bananas themselves are pretty non judgemental.
50) Except for Mexicans. Bananas fucking hate Mexicans.
Love and Fishes
Dave Denton
